Boundaries Changed My Life

There are few things more deflating than being at the top of your game professionally and at the same time struggling to find your way personally. That’s just where I was 6 years ago. I was leading teams, conducting press conferences and building a name for myself as an educator who bridged the gap between campus and community. My career life was gratifying, challenging and had momentum that only God could explain. My personal life, though, was another story! I attended events alone. There was never an assumed plus one on my invites. I was dating unavailable men and compromising in areas in order to have my love life “match” my professional life. (What does that even mean?!) I felt like a fraud. I felt like a failure. How could I be so successful and admired at work and not find that same thing in love?

After being stood up and consequently finding out he was married (UGH!) I decided one day that I would focus on ME. I would learn about me. What I loved and what I would never accept again. I would take myself to movies and dinner. I would read and attend workshops. I would take Love Language and Enneagram quizzes and I would start manifesting the life I dreamed about rather than waiting for my knight to complete me.

First up would be to establish some firm boundaries! I needed to get really clear on my Hell no’s and my hell yeses! Anything that was on the Hell No list was no longer considered! I let the universe know what I was NOT here for! My phrase was “that doesn’t work for me”. It felt nicer than saying “no” and it never seemed to elicit an explanation.

Next, I built time into my day for my prayers, fitness, journaling, personal development and fun. I literally scheduled it into my day. I didn’t compromise on this ME time. I used to feel so bad turning down an invitation if it interfered with something I could easily shift around. But sticking to this has taught me to fill my bucket first.

During my prayer time, I started praying for my husband...whoever and wherever he was. I would send a little prayer up about this mythical man. It would be small things like: I hope he felt loved today. Or: I pray his parents are well and in his life.  I prayed that he found a good parking spot, had good news from a friend, that he was healthy through the cold and flu season. I was consistent and more detailed with every prayer. I felt that if I was sending God my faith and prayers about my man, He would honor them and that man would be whole and ready when we finally met!

Boundaries have truly shaped every area of my life. I can’t speak on them enough! Any feelings of overwhelm, resentment or unrest can be traced back to a flimsy or non-existent boundary in some area. That’s what led me to working with women (and a few fellas) on establishing firm boundaries in their lives. Through my Badass With Boundaries program I help high-performing women enjoy the peace they once had by establishing boundaries in their lives so they can focus on their personal lives without sacrificing their time and their health. We spend 5 weeks focusing on the four key areas where boundaries are needed: Career, time, relationships, and self! My clients have reconnected with spouses, mended their relationships with their children, increased their revenue at work, created time for fitness, found love and left toxic relationships...all by building firm boundaries!

And y’all...this boundary thing WORKS! That man I prayed for every day floated into my life at a charity fundraiser and we’ve been inseparable ever since! He’s everything I prayed for- literally! 

So if you’re struggling with lack of peace and clarity in your life check your boundaries!

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